When managing (honoring) your emotions is everything….
*If you missed Part I-The Thought Model: When mindset shifting is enough…. CLICK HERE
I had a deep belief when I started my business that if I wasn’t confident, nothing was going to happen. As I was writing blogs, hosting workshops and networking for THE very first time, I battled so much Imposter Syndrome and just the most pure anxiety because I was doing something new. I was a pretty healthy perfectionist at the time so that was jacking up my emotional state all the time.
I’m so glad I didn’t give up because I learned something very important and it’s honored so many facets of my life. I thought I "did" emotions because I cried at movies, and wept with friends. BUT in my own experiences, I did NOT do emotions, I pushed them away.. I was always positive, and very high energy. Hmm I was riding through life on a lot of nervous energy.
At the time, what I was hearing in coaching that was going on in some of my Masterminds, is that if we could shift all of our thinking from worry, fear and anxiety, to confidence, certainty and calm, I would start making money and start bringing in clients. The negative emotions were always something to be solved.
THIS belief system is where the game is rigged against all of us.
First, it isn’t true. As humans we create amazing growth while experiencing a wide gamut of emotions.
Second, confidence is truly overrated……it can be a mask if we’re not processing or aware of all of our emotions.
This approach doesn’t serve anyone, it doesn’t serve our own well-being and it doesn’t serve anyone that we’re in relationship with (family, our team, colleagues, friends, etc.)
Then what are we to do with those frustrating, powerful and not so fun emotions?
Allow them with more curiosity. That’s it. No resistance, no judgment, just a oh hey there, I’m feeling a certain way.
The reason that the emotions of anger, frustration, grief, anxiety feel so awful is that we meet them with resistance. This actually helps the sensation of the emotion grow and get stronger in your body. Cruel isn’t it? When we try to get rid of those feelings they grow stronger and sometimes get stuck and create a mental loop.
When you’re in a strong emotional state there is a choice to get curious and become an observer. This approach, this relationship with these emotions can help these emotions to move. What this shift of curiosity and becoming an observer of our emotions can do is provide calm, our lens widens and we become present and intentional vs reactionary.
OK I’ve sold you on this, perhaps, but how?
Be honest with how you’re feeling.
Name it
Take some time to ask why in a curious way that you are feeling this way.
Observe how it feels in your body, describe it with every adjective you know how.
Color, shape, density, level of motion.
Just be with it as a curious and compassionate observer.
Don’t try to change it
Now, how do you feel? Do you sense some understanding of what is happening? Do you feel better?
This work is brave in a world where you are supposed to be confident, strong, never full of worry or anxiety. And my friends we are human and we are feeling all of the emotions. Anxiety is normal, anger is normal, frustration is normal, all of it is normal and so beautifully human.
I built beautiful growth in my business, created a vibrant new life after divorce by living in the both/and experience. It is vibrant and real and it is creative. I highly recommend it.
xoxo,
Diana