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Believe me, I?ve been there. You?d have to be superhuman not to have had this experience. On today?s episode, I show you how to break a cycle of frustration around your incredibly important goals and help you achieve your dreams through commitment, rather than simply trying.?Tune in to learn all about the not-so-subtle difference between trying to reach a goal and committing yourself 100% in order to attain your dreams.
Welcome to Empowered Wellness for Leaders, a podcast that teaches CEOs, entrepreneurs and sales leaders how to deal with the unique challenges of balancing a high-stress career, family, AND their own health. Here’s your host, Certified Executive Wellness Coach, Diana Murphy.
Alright, I?m coming to you with a very sexy allergy voice this week. The pollen I blowing around down here in Atlanta. But have you ever had one of those weekends ? I was so distracted by my work that I love in my business, I just couldn?t turn my brain off. I tried to meditate; I just could not calm my brain down.
So I was glad to have my yoga class this morning. That helped a little bit, but I also was really glad I had something to sink my teeth into work-wise, and that?s this episode. I?m just not having this drama around busy May.
Have you heard everybody speaking that way, ?Just so busy?? I want to enjoy this time with my husband and my friends, so I?m kind of shifting my own mindset around that. We are all a work-in-progress, people and I have had my own drama this weekend.
So I am calming down and settling in to bring you a lot of great new webinars and workshops now that I?m home and not taking care of my mom. The first one coming up is around work-life balance. And be sure to send me an email if you?d like an invitation to those. I?m doing those live in Atlanta or in webinar format. You?re invited, so if you?re already receiving my emails, you?ll get an invitation, but if you?re not and just would like a separate invitation, I will give you the link.
On today?s episode, I?m going to show you how to break a cycle of frustration around your really important goals and help you to get done what you want in your life. And it?s all about getting your brain in on the action in a clear and focused way. First, I?m going to explain what I mean by trying versus committed and committing and show you the difference between the two.
Next, I?m going to share a few examples so you can see it more clearly; see what I am speaking about. And then, I?m going to show you the best part; a very simple way to apply this. And truly, it?s about putting your brain to work to get the results that you want with less frustration, no more giving up and what?s really important to you.
Have you worked for a long time on something in particular and just have not reached the destination or the goal that you?d hoped for? Maybe this journey for you had a lot of fits and starts, where you put in a lot of effort or sweat-equity into a particular goal but you?re at the point where it feels kind of elusive; that those results are just not possible for you. And you might even be thinking about giving up on that goal.
You might be wondering if it?s really worth all this effort and frustration. But I know you and there?s something tenacious about you that is just not going to give up and so you go at it again and again. I?ve been there. You?d have to be superhuman not to have had this experience.
If you can understand the difference between trying to reach a goal versus being fully committed to a goal, you can get yourself out of that rut right now. It is all a matter of a subtle but powerful mindset shift. And it?s around these two words; try ? commit. Trying versus committing.
Trying looks like this; there?s a lot of effort and a lot of room to not take action. I think it might be our way of protecting ourselves from failure. And because our brain thinks failure is like death, this happens for all of us; we get really distracted, but we?re trying. But you?re amazing and driven, so you definitely go back at it again and again.
And then there?s committed; when you are 100% no matter what committed to doing something, there?s a different energy and action that comes around that. You?re more creative, you look for more options because you?re not just trying to do something, you?re all in and not willing to hear that you can?t achieve that goal. Do you see the difference?
So, look at something in your life that is kind of creating some frustration or disappointment around the results. You know, it could be weight-loss, it could be finding a job, it could be getting promoted, it could be anything that?s important to you. Look at something that you?re doing and look at the words you?re using around it. Are you trying or are you 100% committed?
There is simply a difference on the actions that both of these beliefs create. They are sneaky because when we?re really giving something our all, we, quote en quote, think we?ve done everything we can. But the truth is, we?ve done everything we know how to do right now and we might just need to do something new to achieve a new goal.
It really does take new thinking and new action to create a new goal. We can?t keep doing the same things over and over if they?re not creating the results that we want. When you switch your mindset to full commitment, you get your brain in on the endeavor. You create more ideas, more options and you won?t feel like you?re spinning your wheels anymore.
You know, the most clear and simple example I can give you to understand what I?m getting at here is to consider a weight-loss journey. Even if you?ve never had an issue with weight, you?ve watched plenty of people that have, right, and I?ve witnessed so many of those journeys.
In my work, my early coaching work, that?s all the work I did. And I certainly had my own journey of 30 years ? more than that; it was 40, if I?m honest. Alright, I hope that this clarity can help you to understand the difference between trying and being 100% committed.
But remember, I?m going to use losing weight and even getting a job as my examples today, but it can be around anything; finishing a project, getting a difficult certification, anything that?s important. Okay, so in the new diet example, look at this; the thought would be, ?I?m trying really hard to lose some weight.?
It creates frustration, a little disappointment ? do you feel it? ?I?m trying really hard to lose weight.? We keep at it. The actions that come out of this are the same habitual behavior; we just try the same things over and over. And the results are there?s no change. We get some results, but they?re not lasting at all.
Now, look at the difference to this kind of thinking. ?I?m 100% committed, no matter what, to lose 15 pounds.? It?s specific, but it?s also 100% no matter what. That thinking creates confidence, motivation, creative thoughts and actions where if something doesn?t work, you?re going to try something else because you?re all in. no matter what, you?re going to lose 15 pounds.
You try other things, you take lots of action and you try other ideas. You might even get some help. You persevere until you get those results of losing 15 pounds.
So this is why dieting is a perfect example. You?ve seen this on other people or you?ve done it yourself; if you?re 100% all in, you?re shopping more, you figure out a way to move more, you learn about the food you?re eating, you start paying attention.
If you?re job hunting and you?re all in, you make more phone calls, you attend more networking opportunities, you write more letters, you submit more resumes, you speak to every person you know and let them know you?re looking for a new job.
This is why job hunting looks so different when you currently have a job. You?re kind of looking or job seeking, versus job hunting, when you don?t have a job. It?s so different, right. And it?s really asking that question, what would it look like to go all in and know that failure is not an option on anything that?s important to you?
Alright, why then ? I?m just going to stop and step aside here just for a minute to explain maybe why we?re not always all in so you can have some understanding and some compassion around this frustrating loop you might be experiencing. We?re typically not all in, or trying things, because we?re protecting ourselves from failing.
There?s this big fear, like if we do something new and we fail, it?s going to be horrible. But we?re really going to have the same results over and over, so we?re really not protecting ourselves from anything. So it is that protection from failure, it is that we don?t realize we?re in a rut; we?re just doing things and our mind is on autopilot. We?re just in a bit of a rut.
Or another reason why we?re not all in is ? this is a tricky one ? this came up for me when I was writing the episode. I love the positive feedback I get when I share with other coaches bold ideas I have. But guess what ? I stay in the safe zone and don?t usually take action on those. I really caught myself on those because they are great ideas and I?m just a little, you know, afraid; kind of having that normal fear that it might go wrong.
So we get positive feedback when we share our bold goals, but again, we?re not all in. we?re still just trying. Another reason is we might be stuck in a self-critical judgment cycle. We?re buying into our inner critic. This is, again, another thought ? it really creates the thought, ?I can?t do it.? And so we just don?t take any action at all. And we might be trying, but it?s just not the same as being fully committed.
And another reason I?ve seen in myself for sure and with clients when I work with them, 100% all in just seems overwhelming and like it might be too much work. And this, again, our brain is just not helping us here. And this is why this is mindset. This is all about what if it was as easy as deciding that we are 100% committed no matter what and that failure is not an option. Could it be that simple?
Could it be that simple as you deciding that, no matter what, you?re 100% all in, that failure is not an option on the thing you want in your life? Okay, let me show you how this is the best part. This is why I brought these episodes because I?m finding subtle, simple ways ? and you have to be a little brave, but it?s not as hard as you think.
So this is how; choose one thing. If it?s a large goal, break it up into small pieces. So choose a small thing. Trust me on this. Choose that thing that?s persisting for you. What keeps coming up? I really want to do that and you felt a little defeated at it ? choose it. Choose that one thing.
And this isn?t something that you should do. Don?t choose this ? this is sometimes why we get into trouble ? we choose a goal that is something we think we should be doing and we?re never going to be all in on that. choose something that you really want.
Okay, so the first step is choosing one thing, something that?s small, something that?s persistent coming up for you, something that?s really important. Not a should, but a really big want in your life. Next, ask better questions. You?ve been hearing it here.
And start first by asking, ?If I was 100% committed and failure wasn?t an option, what would I be doing right now?? If you have to stop this podcast and write this down, do. But remember, it?s going to be in your workbook. But ask, ?If I was 100% committed and failure wasn?t an option, what would I be doing right now??
Oh, that?s so much different than trying, right. And it creates an immediate list of actions and I?ll get to that in a minute, but this is where you start your to-do list. Now, there are so many times when we do this and we?re all in, we are going to have setbacks. There?s going to be times that things did not work.
So these are the follow-up questions, ?What else can I do? What should I try next? Who can help me?? so you start with, ?If I was 100% committed and failure wasn?t an option, what would I be doing right now?? And follow-up questions, ?What else can I do? What should I do next? Who can help me??
The third step is really what I?ve already developed in these questions; start building your to-do list from these questions. Do not go back to the habitual actions that you?ve been taking; try new things. Again, that?s why weight-loss was such a great example. What are some new foods you can eat? What are some new ways you can prep your food?
If you?re job hunting, what are some new people that you can contact? How can you shake up your resume? How can you shake up your letter? What else can you do? Start building your to-do list from these life-giving inspiring questions and that creates inspired action which creates results in your life every single time.
By approaching your goals in this way, with the three-step process, you?re giving your brain space to get creative and find a solution. Choose one thing, ask inspiring better questions and build your to-do list from these questions. Avoid doing things that are boring and habitual.
The ones that work, keep them, but try some new things and add it to your approach. Again, you?re creating brain-space. You?re getting your brain in on the endeavor. We?re not asking things why I?m failing, that just puts you in a cycle, right. It just puts us in the corner. ?Why am I failing?? We?re just going to give up.
Ask the better questions and see what happens. See what you can create out of it. I want to share with you a really personal example. I tried for a year to start a podcast. I dabbled in it. I planned it with a VA that was very new at doing podcast work and I just stayed safe. And at one point, I got really sick of talking about it and telling people and realizing it was almost, you know, a full year that I was telling people I was going to start a podcast.
So I owned it and I owned that I really did want to do it. I questioned that and decided I did. So I went all in. and what did that look like? I hired an expert; I?ve been putting in the work. It certainly is taking more time in my life than I thought, but I love it and I?ve kept with it despite all the frustrations. There?s mechanical ones ? you lay down your most amazing podcast and guess what happens, technical difficulty, right.
But I?ve kept with it because I?m all in. I committed for at least a year to do this. I realized ? I was being coached and my coach, Brooke asked me, Why are you having so much drama about spending money on your podcast? What would it look like to just commit to it for a year?? And that just blew me away.
I now can?t wait to see what happens at episode 200 in my business. What will I be creating? What will I be thinking about? What will I be helping people with? It was such a shift on my creative process; I took the drama out of it.
What have you been trying to do and you know that you really want to do but you?re not seeing the results that you like? Try this method, pick a goal, go all in, ask the right questions and create an inspired to-do list and you?ll see those results.
Alright, be sure to sign up to the mindset manual. I?m creating an entire mindset workbook that is going to be available at the end of May. The link for this podcast is in the show notes, dianamurphycoaching.com/16 and you can opt-in to get that manual at the end of the month.
You?ll receive that and have all the questions, all the formats that you need. And I want to give you a little hint ? if you email me, I can send that worksheet to you right away. If you?re really working on this right now, I?m more than happy to send you my rough draft of that, but I?m creating something really cool that we?ll have at the end of the month.
Now, I can?t wait until next week where I talk to you about the mindset around drama in your life. And yes, I?m talking about relationships next week and how they affect your mindset; I?ll see you then.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Empowered Wellness for Leaders! If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, download our Free Video Series: Empowered Wellness Now. Visit?dianamurphycoaching.com?to sign up today!