Good morning!!  I hope Spring is treating you right, you’re joining our herd with vaccines and are getting to see some loved ones again.  I knew THE minute I was safe to travel it would be to see my mom.  Cannot wait.  

Today’s topic is Showing Up.  How do we Show up? In presentations with potential clients? In day to day calls with prospects.  In those moments that we are serving clients.  I’m writing an entire podcast for you on Difficult Clients, stay tuned but today I want to help you to show up in the most powerful way possible.  In a way that clients can’t wait to say yes!  To show up in a group where people want to know more and want to connect.  

Last week we dug into thoughts about our business today, I want to show you how to apply a simple tool so you can SHOW UP in a way that makes ALL of your business conversations more productive.

What you think about yourself matters.  It creates every emotion, then action in your life.  EVERY SINGLE ONE. The great brave actions and the huge stalls that happen.  They all come from our thinking (and when we think the same thing over and over again) our belief about ourselves that creates truly our self-identity. 

Growth and transformation are all about letting go of beliefs around our identity that don’t serve us and believing new ones.  This process, I’ll be sharing today, will help you to do this in an authentic way, in the little moments that require your attention.

For most of us it is so much easier to run a thought download.(Last week’s episode Words Matter)  We spend a lot of time in our head planning and scheming and being in our thoughts.  

The practice I’m sharing with you today,  is a way to drop into the present, to show up in the moments that are important to you, that require your full presence.  

When we’re in our life thinking the many thoughts we think each day, and feeling all of the emotions that come with  those thoughts, This experience is our truth.  It is difficult to see a separation between the circumstances in our lives and our thoughts.  We THINK that the pandemic is making us sad, and rightly so but it’s all of the thoughts and stories your mind is creating that is creating those sad emotions.  We can think that our loved ones are making us angry and frustrated but it is truly the thoughts that are triggered in our conversations/actions with them. 

And although it is part of our 50/50 experience as human beings, running through your day with a lot of sad emotions, could really tank what you want to be up to.  That’s what I’m going to help you with today.  To help you make an authentic shift when you’re not feeling great…..

I want to talk about the moments where you’re really worked up, frustrated, annoyed with clients, your family, yourself, people you work with, the Starbucks barista traffic (yes it’s back)…..all of it.  Learning how to move from emotions that frankly aren’t fun to experience nor are NOT great emotions to share when we’re around others.  

The truth is this, if you wake up anxious and ignore it, it will ride with you for the day.  

We have options.  We can ignore it and let it ride along (and actually grow) or we can allow our emotional experience, so that we can move forward in a more positive space.

If you stop and admit what you are truly feeling, get a little curious around them, they dissipate.  That’s the tool I want to share with you today. 

First this practice is a beautiful invitation from our mind to slow down (for just a quick minute) and dig in a bit.  THIS is one of the most transformative practices I do and recommend.  It’s simple, it can be quick but it takes a little chutzpah to do this on our own and often.  

I promise you it is worth the discomfort of seeing what our mind is up to…….and allowing discomfort. 

I don’t start with the thoughts in this practice, I start with the feelings.  We’ll call this practice The Top 3.

Yup, even if you and I don’t ‘do feelings’, this is the place to start.  Actually, I have tried most of my life to  not ‘do feelings’ and the empowerment I have received by staying with myself in the crappiest of emotional spaces has given me the best relief and also clarity.  

It has helped me to move forward hours after I was literally experiencing a crappy melt down about something.  It helps me to give a powerful presentation even when I’m NERVOUS.  It helps me to be calm in a difficult conversation.  

It’s simple. It’s powerful.  AND a practice.{like yoga, every day will be different and it will get easier}

What are your top 3 emotions?

Name the first 3.  

Normal day might be 

Dread–I’m dreading the big tax work I need to do.  

Excitement–I’m thrilled about the new client starting today.  

Fear– Worried because my loved one doesn’t want to get the vaccine.

I might look at these and think it is inevitable to continue to feel Dread, Excitement and Fear all day. Your natural reaction will be to push these away. 

This is where our self-identity (or our ego) comes in.  We see ourselves as courageous, productive and positive people most of the time SO when these emotions come to visit, we’re like where did YOU come from, that’s not me.

Our emotions, our thoughts are NOT us.   They aren’t definitions of who we are.  But it certainly feels like it. They are just thoughts/beliefs in our mind creating emotions in any particular moment.

Ok, so back to the current example.  Very aware that you’re feeling: Dread, excitement and fear. 

Now I’m thinking about what is on my plate for today and…

But I know I don’t want to show up at a new client session in fear.  I also know that if I’m too excited when I start coaching someone, I won’t be insightful and dread, that feels frickin’ heavy. Yuck.

Now I don’t have to be Thrilled about taxes or dampen my genuine excitement and I know it’s normal to have some fear around CoVid.  

BUT if I let those emotions run my day………it won’t create what I most want, at all.

So, my next question is this…..

What do I NEED for today……..

Calm

Insightful 

Concerned

I know how those emotions feel and I can literally decide to move to those after allowing and admitting that I am feeling DREAD EXCITEMENT AND FEAR.  This isn’t easy, it’s uncomfortable.  When I allow it instead of moving fast to CONFIDENCE I”m ok.  The allowing actually gives me more space to move into Calm, Insightful and concerned.  I love thinking about emotions as having 2 sides to one coin.

I can breathe slowly and calm down.  I can look at my calendar and choose a time to work on taxes.  Even though mine are so simple, I HATE doing them so I set time limits on this type of activity and do it in small spurts.  Ugggg right?   But again, calm works much better for me in getting things done that I doth resist.

When I choose insightful I turn my attention from me to the client.  I naturally come up with first questions and a way I’d like to run the session.  THIS has been the most fun.  Intentionally moving from worrying about me to deeply serving my clients.  I think it is what ALL of us business owners want, we sometimes.

Yes I can be concerned.  Of course I’d be concerned if someone I love might get sick.  But they aren’t sick yet and being fearful about something that hasn’t happened yet doesn’t serve me at all. I can use my concern in a more practical way vs fear that shuts me down. 

This work is not a natural way our brain works.  Our goals and desires INVITE us to manage our mind and POINT IT, DIRECT in the way we really want to go.

This work of allowing is expansive.  If practiced over and over, you will find that you are able to handle just about any trigger of fear, nervousness or resistance and by identifying, allowing it to be there, you can move to what you most want to feel in that moment.  

I use this in a practical way when I’m nervous about a presentation.

I use this in the moments I am really upset about something.  

I started doing this more often and hands down I’m getting more done in my day to day. 

So simple but not easy.

So powerful in helping you to be fully present with yourself first and then with those you are leaving and serving.

This is emotional intelligence at it’s best.

If you have loved this topic I highly recommend you check out Susan David’s work.  She wrote Emotional Agility and has some great podcast interviews (2 parts  with Brene Brown on Dare to Lead) that go deeper into the science and the work of this.  

Remember:

1.  What am I feeling today?  Top 3. Describe sit with it a bit
2. What do I need for today?  Another 3.  Allow what is there and move to what you need for the moment or the day at hand.

See how you start showing up when around others.  See how that nervous energy isn’t riding underneath the surface all of the time.  This has truly made it easier for me to take care of myself.  It has dialed down that low current of stress.  Wild.  Yes from simply identifying what I am truly feeling.

Have a great day and I know you’re showing up like a Boss!  

Thanks for listening……