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We?re into the month of May ? or what I?m going to call Mindset Month. Over the next few episodes, we?re going to talk about motivation, judgment, relationship drama, and confident action. By June, you?re going to be in the clearest headspace of your life!
This week, what I want you to know is what motivation actually is, what it isn?t, and what you can do in taking steps to create it. You can apply these new tools around motivation to your exercise, nutrition, or to taking action in your business… especially in the aspects you don?t enjoy so much.
You?re going to learn about willpower ? how you have enough to achieve great things, but also how you might be misappropriating it. I?m going to discuss why exactly we don?t feel motivated all the time, why willpower is a limited resource, and how to create the results you want by asking better questions. Join me in this episode full of advice which challenges your preconceptions and life hacks to back it all up!
What You?ll Learn From this Episode:
- What exactly motivation is.
- Why it can be tricky to keep the motivation going when we start something exciting.
- An astute analogy for our resistance to doing things.
- Why sneaky negative thoughts breed real apathy and resistance to trying hard.
- The two best life hacks to make the most of the willpower you have.
- When the best time is to take action on those jobs you may not relish having to do.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Empowered Wellness for Leaders, a podcast that teaches CEOs, entrepreneurs and sales leaders how to deal with the unique challenges of balancing a high-stress career, family, AND their own health. Here’s your host, Certified Executive Wellness Coach, Diana Murphy.
Oh, I?m back in Atlanta and I couldn?t be happier. I?m back with my husband and my dog and back to my office and I?m sitting in this office with the biggest helium welcome home balloon, a Mylar and more than a dozen roses. White roses are unfurling just gorgeously; they smell good. And my husband took really, really good care of me on my reentry. He even organized the mail so it?d be really easy to sift through.
So I cleaned up my office yesterday. I?ve not really unpacked, but I am just so glad to be home. I know you know that feeling. And it was really cute how my son noticed what a great husband his dad was. That was like, ?You are rocking the husband thing.? What a great model, right? I am just so thankful for everything that?s going on in my life right now.
Alright, I actually needed the concept of motivation. I needed what I?m going to teach you today ? and you?ll understand a little bit. I had the shortest night of sleep ever, but I committed to myself to get my podcast recorded today. So I actually used a lot of the things I?m going to share with you today to get through to this point where I felt really good about recording today.
What we?re rolling into is what I?m going to call Mindset Month. I love it ? all the Ms. It?s May and we?re going to talk about Mindset; the first one is motivation. I?m going to talk about judgment, where it?s sometimes helpful and gives us some good information and when it isn?t so helpful.
I?m going to talk about drama and I?m going to get into a little bit of relationships and things that cause drama in our lives. And the last episode will be about confident action. And I just love giving all of us some time to slowly go through these concepts and share as many examples as I can with you so you understand what I?m teaching.
So what I want to do today is help you get some clarity around what motivation is and maybe what it isn?t and where we think it?s necessary and how we can actually create it. So this can be applied to any area of your life where you?d love to be doing more; maybe doing more consistently, but doing more, taking action.
This might be about working out consistently, staying more committed to your health goals in a consistent fashion, or it really could be around taking action in your business. That is one of my favorite topics to discuss with clients.
Taking more action to connect with more people, perhaps getting more work done more efficiently so you can play more, staying true to your goals, and even those timelines that seem impossible sometimes, but you?d love to have it done either early or for once that we?d love to get things done on time. The truth of the matter is this; you have plenty of willpower, but it is also a limited resource.
We have plenty for the important things in our lives, but when we misapply it and use it up in areas that are just not as important or something that we can put into more of an intuitive space like the eating tools and eating. If we have to make less decisions around things, we have more willpower and more energy in other areas; so that?s what I?m going to get at today.
My belief is around this; that it?s really awesome to save that juicy motivated get action feeling ? all those emotions, all that energy ? and save it for what?s really important to you, your marriage, your hobbies. A very important project at work, a new creative thing that you?re doing ? use it for the areas that are really important to you and not so routine.
So I?m going to discuss why we don?t feel motivated all the time; that will be the first facet. I?m going to discuss more fully that willpower is a limited resource and share some amazing life hacks to get through that, and last, create the results you want by asking better questions. So those are going to be the three areas I?ll cover today.
Why don?t we feel motivated all the time? We unknowingly create a lot of resistance. When I do workshops ? and I hope you can picture this for me, I found this beautiful graphic that showed a brick wall while it was being mortared, you know. So it?s at an angle, there?s a few bricks at the base and there?s less bricks on top, almost like a little pyramid; it?s a corner. So just picture that and think about the resistance you feel sometimes to doing things.
We sometimes call them excuses. We feel resistance when we want to do something, ?I need to work out, but? I want to get that project done, but?? It?s almost like a level of excuses. But I want to share with you, it?s not that. There?s innocent thinking that is creating a lot of resistance.
This is what I?m talking about; if you?re thinking thoughts like, I can?t do it, it?s so difficult to do new tech things or it?s so hard or I don?t have enough time, I don?t like to? And fill in the blank; I don?t like to cook, I don?t like to work out, I can?t walk, my back hurts. Any of those types of phrases seem like explanations for why we?re not doing something. I think our brain likes to come up with, so we feel better, come up with an explanation.
But let?s go back to these statements and I want you to literally notice how you feel in your body when I say them. When you think these, this is what it?s creating for you. ?I can?t do it. It?s difficult. Oh, that?s so hard. I don?t have time. I don?t like to work out. I hate to sweat. I hate to cook. I?m not a good cook.?
Any of these thoughts seem like explanations, but they create a lot of resistance. I don?t know about you, but I immediately, my brain goes fuzzy and confused when I think I can?t do something. If I think I don?t have enough time, I will never look for a spot on my calendar and make a commitment, right.
So these are very common beliefs that we think, but they add up. Again, remember the brick wall ? every time we think one, we have more resistance. Well, this explains why we might be really motivated and get a lot done in certain areas of our lives, but at a certain point, we just get weary of it.
It really, to me, explains why people can be on a diet or on a new workout program or doing something very new at work and it seems very easy at the beginning. And then, all of a sudden, you?re frustrated that you?re not doing it anymore.
Well, when we?re first doing something very new, we summon all our resources. We?re excited and we push over that brick wall. Just think of a hump. We literally create so much energy ? and again, that?s willpower ? we create so much energy. We go right over the wall and it seems effortless for a time. But after a while, we just don?t have it left in us to jump over that wall.
I talk about this a lot in January, February, when I?m running health workshops because we need to understand and stop beating ourselves up. We did use a lot of beautiful energy to start something new. Any new resolution would be an example. But we need to use that energy for other things and those normal excuses start seeming bigger and bigger.
But what?s happening is our huge motivation and energy is not hopping over some very common sneaky thoughts. So what?s the solution? You can start dismantling that wall.
When you realize that when you don?t think you have enough time that it just freezes you and switch it to, ?Well when do I have enough time? What can I do in terms of a workout this week? What do I cook?? Not that I?m a bad cook. Do you see how I?m tweaking these just a little bit? Put your brain in a better space by looking for possibility.
It?s a beautiful way to dismantle the wall of resistance. I call it the wall of resistance. So it?s really true; you can reduce so much apathy and resistance in your life by looking at those sneaky thoughts. One way to get some insight on what your sneaky thoughts are ? some are very common, they?re part of our culture like I don?t have enough time or I?m too busy ? but just ask, why am I not doing this? Just ask why. Why am I not working out? And look at your list and see what that list of thoughts creates emotionally. Most of them are not true and look at sneaky ways to ask better questions.
Alright, I?m going to create a resource for the entire month, but it will not be available. I?m going to create it as I go along and it will be available at the end of the month. But if you have any questions, I want you to get on my website and leave a comment, get on my Facebook live videos on Wednesday and post a question.
Even after it?s played, any time in the week after Wednesday or just send me an email and I will continue to create a resource around all of the podcasts this month and those will be available to you by the end. And the reason I?m bringing that up now is I feel like we need a little help when we are feeling not so motivated, right. So I?ll have some great questions and downloads for you as we get to the end of the month.
Okay, the second concept I want to share with you is that willpower is a limited resource. Use it for the important areas of your life; your business, your relationships or creative projects, something that?s really exciting to you. But I want to share with you some life hacks that can really help you get through and kind of bypass the resistance I shared with you.
Those are all normal. Those are at play, but I have some life hacks for you to use less willpower and they are; deciding ahead of time and drafting. I?m going to explain in a minute but think of drafting when a racecar nudges right behind another car and they have less friction.
So deciding ahead of time is the first concept and it?s a life hack that is so beautiful to use, and then drafting. And I?ll explain both of them. Deciding ahead of time takes our decision-making time, especially in the morning or early in the week ? if we decide ahead of time to do something and then when we are tired physically at the end of the day or by hump-day in the middle of the week, we?ve already decided to do these activities and we can just honor them and not even think again.
?Nope, I planned on working out on Wednesday night. I?m going to just go; I don?t care if I?m tired.? Well, the same thing applies for working out that evening. You can decide in the morning, pack your workout clothes ? that is a perfect ? like, you leave them in your car. And even when you see them and you go, ?I?m too tired,? you go, ?No, I decided ahead of time.?
Truly taking those decisions out of the space when you are tired, when your reserves are down, when you might be ? like after a fight with your spouse, you?re not going to make a big great decision to do something awesome for yourself. You might feel a little discouraged or frustrated. But if you?ve decided ahead of time to do something for your business or any particular activity, like cooking that night, you might just go ahead and do it and it may help you turn around. It?s a beautiful life hack.
One way that I apply this and I suggest it to everyone I talk to is the Sunday-Thursday flyover. What I mean by this is on Sunday night and on Thursday night, do a little bit of planning. A lot of us resist planning. We think it takes too much time, but planning is really deciding ahead of time.
So if you, on Sunday, look at ways that your week looks to you and you?re looking ahead and realize you have a lot of evening events but you want to stay with your working out and you want to eat well, you can choose one healthy meal to cook and one workout. And then do this again on Thursday night, look at your weekend and your Friday activities, look at those gaps, get creative.
What is one time you can work out, what is one time you can eat well? And this can even be eating well with takeout food but making plans ahead of time for your reality of your life. We are all packed ? I?m not even going to say we?re busy because that?s a belief that doesn?t serve us so many times, but we have so much in our calendars, you have other responsibilities with your family. But if we decide ahead of time, even in a small fashion and get really creative by deciding on Sunday and Thursday night what the real situation is versus making those decisions on Wednesday and look back and go, ?Wow, I had networking every night of the week. I could have worked out at noon, but I just didn?t think of it until it was too late.? This is where deciding ahead of time can be so, so effective.
Now, drafting ? I love this and I came up with the term today, so I hope this helps make sense to you. I use this concept of drafting ? doing something tight behind another activity ? in my business. And for any of you that are building your business, making cold calls. Any of you that have difficult conversations, even as a manager, this could apply to anyone ? this is taking action after you?ve done an event that you love that creates a lot of beautiful emotion for you.
Okay, let me explain; I love coaching. There?s several times a week during my week that I will get off the phone and just be so gratified by what goes on in a coaching conversation. It?s seeing transformation happen right in front of you when it just lights me up. That?s why, of course, I?m doing what I?m doing and I hope you?re figuring out the example for you.
But after I have a great coach call, I make my cold calls because I am in such a great emotional state and I have such great energy that it is effortless for me to make phone calls. Another way is I love doing workshops and I always learn something from the group that shows up.
I learn so much from the participants. They end up talking to each other and I?m like mentally taking notes on what?s going on for them so I can create more worksheets, so I can create another talk that?s great for them and just be more insightful the next time I coach someone.
So I come home from those workshops and I literally more cold call than anything at that time because even though I?m a little tired and let down from that day, I?m inspired and can think of probably three or four businesses that might be a great place for me to bring my work.
Do you see how this works? I hope this is relevant to you. I hope you can transpose this for your life. But think of the things that when you?ve done something ? an artist, for example, this would be a great way to look at it. When you?re an artist, I know there?s frustrating moments but I know that there?s those days that you paint and you?re just doing what you love. But you have business details to take care of like all of us. You might be working with a new agent; you might have some customers that need to know what you?re up to.
And after you?ve been inspired, after you?ve had a really good day creating, it? a beautiful time to take action and even do the mundane things; do your accounting after you?ve had a great artwork day creating and then go get the boring details done out of that energy. It?s like riding a wave.
So I hope this helps. It?s, kind of, really life hacking ourselves, like using great emotions in our lives that are created from other events and circumstances and just tandeming activity behind them in a draft manner or just taking that decision-making time by deciding ahead of time. I sure hope this helps you feel motivated in those spaces.
I?m going to talk about one more concept and I?m not going to unpack it too deeply. But I want to have you start thinking about this because if you?re a new business owner or you set a new goal for yourself or you?re encountering a new space of business, like you have no relationships in this new niche that you?re working in ? like, say as a financial advisor you?ve decided to serve a whole new group of people, you don?t even know who to call first.
You may be asking, ?Well how do I get motivated for that, Diana?? And this is my suggestion; create the results you want by asking better questions. If you?re in an entirely new space, you totally have available to you to create the emotions you need to take action, even when you might be a little afraid, even if it feels a little scary to pick up the phone or to do something so brilliantly new or if you?re starting to speak in front of groups or as a manager you?re starting to lead a team and this is very new for you.
This is when you can use better questions to create the emotions that you need to take really good action in those moments. Alright, this is based on the concept and the truth that every thought creates and emotion or a feeling in our lives. And we create resistance with thoughts that create apathy and frustration, but guess what ? you can create emotions that flow. I love taking action when I?m proud.
I was a really good student when I was in school and I had this big A-student mentality about my life. And it all is, wrapped up, I love being proud of myself. I sound like such an ego-person, but truly, I hope this helps you because when I?m proud, I get brave. And if you?re needing to take action out of nothingness, right, if you?re doing something very new, pride might be one that will help you get moving. Excitement is another that makes you happy. Think of an emotion, like, ?I get a lot done when I feel, blank.?
For me, it?s being proud. So I literally ask myself when I want to take action, when I want to feel proud, ?What are you proud of?? The best example of this happened in a webinar I did for sales people. It?s called Healthy and Confident Sales School. And I?m doing another one this month ? look for it if you?re on my list.
But what happened in that webinar is we were talking a lot about fear and we were kind of calling it out as the liar in our lives. You know, fear is really a liar. It appears to be very real and present in our lives, but it is a liar; the thoughts that come from it. And I had asked this group and they came up very quickly when I asked this question. And what I asked them, ?You guys are doing something very new; I understand that. And I understand that you?re kind of pushing yourself through doing it afraid.?
And there is a level of that for all of us; it?s just human life. But I asked them, ?Can you recollect any time that you persevered and did something really new that was actually quite scary for you?? And, oh my god, the examples ? two of these women spoke up and the examples that came out of that, like they were lit up. Like, I could sense that they could not wait to get off the phone and get to work because they?d realized in the past, ?I remember I?d started a new job. I knew not at all what to do and I just went for it and I was doing things that weren?t even within the guidelines and learning to negotiate new business in a way nobody had ever thought of because I was just so brave.?
It?s like when we don?t know any better we just take a lot of action. Wouldn?t it be great if we could bypass fear that way all the time, just not know any better? But the brain loves evidence, so look for evidence of when you?ve done something really amazing in another area of your life and go, ?Oh yeah, I got it; I can do this in a new area of my life.?
It?s a beautiful way of just asking better questions to create results that you want, especially when you?re in a space where you?re doing something very, very new. I love talking about motivation because I think there?s some lies about it in our culture that you have to be motivated to do something. Well gosh, I don?t think that any of us would get our taxes done or, you know, so many of those things that we don?t want to do, we do it for another reason, right. And so it is true, we do not have to be motivated to get things done.
It feels better sometimes when we do, but remember, you can decide ahead of time. You don?t have to feel motivated. You can use that amazing energy and willpower for very important things in your life by life hacking; deciding ahead of time. Notice that there is a resistance, notice when you?re bringing up excuses, but hit them with some questions, ?Why am I not doing that? Oh, I?m just feeling apathetic because I think it?s hard. Okay, I?ve got this.? And you can turn around and create something new in your life by asking a better question, ?How can I do this quickly??
So I hope this has been helpful. I have loved bringing you this episode and I can?t wait, next time, to dig into judgment. Judgment appears to be ? a lot of people see it as negative. I?ve noticed, with some conversations that we really feel like we have a right to be judgmental and it is so human to be judgmental. So I?m going to unpack this a little bit for you and I can?t wait to see you on that episode.
Again, if you have questions, let me know. Know that I want this space to be a place where maybe sometimes I hurt your brain a little bit ? it?s like, ?Wait, I thought I had to be motivated to get things done.? But also, where you really can create ease and flow in your life by asking better questions. Have a great day and I?ll talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Empowered Wellness for Leaders! If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, download our Free Video Series: Empowered Wellness Now. Visit?dianamurphycoaching.com?to sign up today!
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