However, the reasons for setting yourself the target of eating healthier or exercising more often doesn’t always come from a place of desire – and we don’t even notice.
The people in our lives (whether they say it or not) and often social media can sometimes influence us into doing things, like losing weight, by presenting the idea that that’s what we should be doing. Making changes in your life, no matter how big or small, because you feel you should or you need to is always doomed to failure. But that doesn’t mean that you are going to fail, my friend.
Tune in to this week’s episode to discover how to shift your mindset from the scarcity of needing to lose weight, to a place where you can harness your desire to make this positive step in your life. It’s easy to use outside motivation to get us to the start-line, but making a real go of it is going to take something that moves us a little deeper.
Welcome to Weight Loss for CEOs. A podcast that teaches executives and leaders how to deal with the unique challenges of achieving sustainable weight loss while balancing the responsibility of a growing company, family, and their own health. Here’s your host, executive coach, Diana Murphy.
Happy birthday to my podcast today. I am about a week late, but on February 12th, Weight Loss for CEOs was born. Now, if you’re a new listener, this might not add up, and that’s because I changed the name 20 episodes ago to be a little clearer about the work that I do. Truly, it’s the same podcast, serving leaders that want to take fabulous care of themselves.
But as of today, I have produced 56 podcast episodes and I am so dang proud. I’m also so thankful for you being a listener, whether you’ve been along for the entire ride or whether you’re new to the podcast. And I think I can safely shout-out to four of you that, for sure, have been there all along; Wendy, Patty, and Rebecca in Atlanta, Janet in Indiana, and new listeners that have recently become avid listeners like J.J. and Anita. You all rock and I want to thank you.
If you’re a fan, I do want to hear from you today. I’m giving out birthday presents for my listeners. Those that listen to me every week, I want to celebrate you, so just shoot me an email. I’ve got a cool gift that I’d love to throw in the mail to you; email@example.com.
And because it’s our birthday today, my podcast and I, the only gift that I have on my wish-list is that you don’t keep the podcast a secret. So think of people that you know that would just love to have support, insight, and encouragement and these real tools to lose weight and take care of their magnificent lives really well. And don’t be bashful it has weight loss in the title, that’s clarity, my friends.
This is the podcast of learning supreme self-care for your mind and for your body. And who does both of those things in one place? I do. My goal is to blow up my listenership this year so that more people get an opportunity to lose weight, to lose the weight of their negative emotions, and to learn to live in a way that they can not only handle the pressure and growth in their business, but rise above that with fresh ideas and an empowered mindset to do so.
Alright, enough celebrating, let’s get rolling on today’s episode. I want to discuss with you today why needing to lose weight and embarking on any journey of weight loss with that thought in your mind is destined to fail. If you feel like you need to lose weight, I want you to pay attention. It feels like bad news, right? But with a little awareness and a switch in your thinking, you can be on your way to better results, for sure.
Needing comes from someone else’s opinion. Many times, when we start on a journey like changing how we eat, exercise, all the things, and especially doing something that’s important or as difficult as weight loss is, this takes energy and bravery. But sometimes, our decisions to embark on weight loss comes from the wrong motivation. It comes from thinking that you need to lose weight because you should.
We need to lose weight – do you feel the pressure? It’s almost a physical response, even when I say it. I know I feel it when I say I need to do anything in my life. And then, there are all these thoughts; all the shoulds. You should lose weight because your spouse will be happier with you, because your doctor said you should, or your kids are worried about your health, so you should.
The definition of need, and even should, helps us to see why it might not be very helpful here. Need is to be in want. Need means that something is necessary or an obligation. That’s why this mindset of needing to lose weight can really trip us up.
If I’m completely honest, I know that, most of my life, I didn’t understand why I needed to lose weight. And from a very early age, when I was dating in high school, it was very clear that if I lost weight, I would be happy, loved, and okay. I accepted that basically.
Okay, I know this sounds really dramatic, but this goes on today. Our culture has so many messages on why you or I would need or should lose weight. This is why deciding out of this pressure of any kind from the outside just doesn’t last.
We almost become rebellious when we make decisions like this because we’re supposed to. Did you hear it in the definition? To need is an obligation. When we do anything against our will, even if it is our own mental will – think of being a child, right? We will rebel.
This was classic for me. I would basically go on a diet because my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea – and this was in high school – and then I would find myself exercising, eating healthier food, but binging when I was by myself. I couldn’t even admit that some of the lighter eating and exercising was actually a good thing because it was someone else’s idea.
I was so confused. Okay, I was young, but don’t let this illustration distract you from that. If we make decisions about how we’re taking care of our own physical body because it’s someone else’s great idea or desire, we will resist. And that, my friends, is actually a good thing; the resistance I mean.
I don’t know about you, but it is my business what I put in my mouth and how I move my body. I’m being pretty firm here, but I want to help you to see maybe some small ways, or intense ways like I’m sharing today, that you are always going on diets or programs because you feel like you should lose weight or need to lose weight.
So, let’s shift our conversation then to wanting to lose weight, because I have no judgment – I seriously don’t – on whether you should or want to lose weight. I don’t care how much you weight. I just want to be clear in this episode that where your decision to do so, where that’s coming from, where your decision to lose weight might be affecting your results; the results that you most desire.
One of the definitions of want that I’m using for today’s podcast is to have a strong desire. Just see the difference when you say the words need, obligate, lacking, necessary, and then want, have a strong desire. You know, need comes from scarcity; a scarcity mindset really. And wanting comes more form abundance, or even possibility.
I always want you to be able to see the possibilities, especially in the areas of your life that you most desire. I mean, that’s the essence of life coaching, right? When we use the self-coaching model, it can become even clearer.
Think about something that you need to do, like right now. It can be something on your to-do list, anything; something that even someone else told you to do. Like, we need to get groceries this afternoon. It can be a joint thing. It can be something on your list.
But when someone uses that need, it gets us moving and it serves a purpose, right? We will get those kinds of things done during our day, but how do you really feel when you need to do it, when you should do it?
Note how you’re feeling in your body right now using those words. And when somebody tells you, you need to do something or you should do something, how do you react? I know I push back. It’s just natural. But what about you? How do you react? What actions come out in your life when you need – especially around this – need to exercise, need to lose weight, need to eat better, need to cook great food?
Are you getting that done? Are you taking action and getting the results you want? Maybe not, right, with that energy. Then, think about something that you want to do, really something important to you, something that you’ve had on your mind. How do you feel about that? How do you feel?
I know I want to watch certain shows on TV at night when I take time off or I want to sign up for a painting class, studio time. When I think about those kinds of wants, I get excited. It’s warm. It’s motivating. But how do you feel with that one thing on your mind, something you want? And how do you act when you feel this way?
You know, I don’t know about you, but even if I procrastinate some of the things that I want in my life, because I have such good energy, I eventually get to them. I really do. It creates a good energy. We are much more likely to create great results in our life when we move out of our own desires, our own wanting.
So wanting does come from desire. It creates the motivation to take action. So, in thinking about the two models, doesn’t it make sense that more action can come from wanting? I always feel like need and like anything that creates resistance – and I don’t want to flippantly use a negative emotion, but most negative emotions do cause a pull back or inaction.
And especially when it’s a tricky change of words, but when we need to do something, it usually comes from outside of us, like a demand. First, it’s really important to notice and be aware if we have a lot of responsive thinking about losing weight or exercising. Are we doing it from that scarcity place, from that I-need-to?
Awareness of this will help you to stop letting those thoughts have their effect in the background of your mind. If, after listening to the podcast today, and you realize that every reason to lose weight is from the outside of you and you have no desire to lose weight, I want you to stop right now. Stop resisting and pushing and creating all this shame around making yourself do something that you don’t want to do.
You can learn so much about taking your power back and making that decision. Plus, resistance makes you absolutely miserable and you can’t create beautiful lasting results out of resistance. But, if in the end there’s any part of you that wants to lose weight, I want to help you to foster and grow that desire, to create that momentum that will create your results.
This is all about how to want to want. So I’m going to go through three powerful ways to approach this and foster your desire to change. This is all about revving up your motivation and growing your belief around being able to lose weight.
First, start honoring what you really want and understand you’re going to have to make a couple of sacrifices. This is what I mean. Make a quick list of what you really want; lose 15 pounds, or lose five, just get started, move my body more, drink more water.
Make a list. Make a long list, it’s okay, what do you want? Pick two. Highlight them with a marker. Now do it, put them on your calendar, plan for it, put it on your to-do list. Now, those wants should be at the top of your to-do list. They should already be on your calendar.
Now, what can you move from the top? What small sacrifices do you have to make to honor what you want? For so many of my clients where they’re really serving other people first, whether it’s their employees, whether it’s their family, it’s just a pattern that they’ve gotten into, always thinking about others first. It’s really good, but when we deny putting ourselves first, especially in a wellness space, we really can rob ourselves of having the bandwidth to take care of others.
Alright, so on that list might be leave work early to cook or workout, or both, or to not say yes every time your friend calls for help, or give up a luncheon that just isn’t that critical that you’re there and do something that you want to during that lunch hour. I’m learning to do this. I’m really being discerning around my networking during the noon hour. They’re expensive luncheons and I’m, like, going to a spin class instead and making phone calls later. Be discerning about your time.
So again, honor what you really want and understand that there might be a couple of sacrifices or discomforts as you make those wants really important, and go for it. Again, to honor what you really want, you’ll have to put you as more of a priority. And it can be uncomfortable. We can have the discomfort of failing at weight loss by honoring everybody else first or by working all the time or by any of those things, or we can have the discomfort of taking action anyway. You get to choose in this moment.
Alright, the next step is look at your why. Make a list of your whys. Make a list of all the reasons that you want to lose weight or exercise – any of the facets of self-care that are important to you right now. Brainstorm and write done every reason you can think of.
Now, I want you to scan that list. What makes you feel obligated and what makes you feel good? Cross off the ones that make you feel obligated. Do you see this is just a finer tuning of the need versus the want? So again, cross out what makes you feel obligated or pull back on taking action. Cross those off.
Engage with your why often. This is where you practice it a little bit. When you want to cancel the workout, you can remember that you want to be able to move more with your grandchildren. Also, your why could be to just have more energy or to feel better in your clothes. Remind yourself of this often when you’re taking steps to wellness or to losing weight; anything that makes you feel motivated. Remember, cross out those ones that you resist, for sure. Those aren’t good whys. They don’t motivate you.
Last, I want to remind you that wanting will take bravery if you’ve failed at losing weight before. This is important, people. It’s hard to want something when you have felt like a total failure. This is brave work if you’ve failed this weight loss business before. I know, you’ve tried so many things, but really, have you stayed committed to you and not the diet?
Have you really looked at how your lifestyle might need to change? Taking real responsibility is brave. Can you take real responsibility for your weight loss? Getting brave in your own conversations around this puts you back in a powerful driver’s seat.
You know, I’m so thrilled that I didn’t give up after a lifetime of this frustration. And it’s so fascinating, you know, I covered this a bit in last week’s episode. If you missed it, do get to that. I shared more about this responsibility and ownership, but it’s fascinating how powerful it can be to take responsibility for our own results.
We move from being a victim of a failed diet to making empowered and lasting decisions one step at a time. I know for me, the bravest thing that I have done is starting my business. I am so dang proud. But what I know for sure is that the journey of losing weight taught me what I needed to have the guts to give this coaching practice, this CEO, this business owner, a shot.
I bravely take responsibility now for all my actions in my business. And who knows what big things are ahead? This is possible for you. Don’t miss your real life because a weight loss issue is distracting you. Dig in. Fetter out all the should reasons to take action and step bravely into wanting what you want.
You know, I loved celebrating this podcast’s birthday with you today. Are you ready to take responsibility for your results in weight loss? Would you love some guidance and help, not only getting out of your own way, but adding some powerful intuitive eating work so you don’t have to think about this all the time?
If your answer is yes, there is a link for a consult in the show notes, dianamurphycoaching.com/ceo20. And what is a consult? This is not a sales call, but a coaching session where you get to freely discuss several areas in your life, how this desire to lose weight or change your health might be affecting it.
I will let you know how to work with me if I see that we’re a fit. I’d love to meet another listener. I’ve had calls from people all over the world. I have talked to a gentleman – I hope he’s listening – from Bahrain. I have spoken to people from Mexico City and all those around me, of course, many in Atlanta and across the states. I’d love to get to know you as well. Have a fabulous, fabulous day.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for CEOs. If you enjoyed this episode and want more, visit dianamurphycoaching.com for Diana’s latest free coaching tools to get started losing weight without having to start a diet now.