The day before planning this episode, I had such an amazing time. I was up at the crack of dawn and didn’t rest until the wee hours, but it was totally worth it. I created every minute of that day by saying yes, going all in, and showing up 100%… and that makes me so happy.
However, it hasn’t always been that easy for me to put myself out there, and I’ve recently noticed some sneaky patterns in my life that have been holding me back.
Is this happening for you? You go wholeheartedly into something with the best of intentions, but it just kind of fizzles out? Maybe you joined a gym and showed up a couple times, before realizing you were spending the whole time resisting, and now you don’t even bother to attend anymore. There is one thing responsible for this – fear!
Welcome to Empowered Wellness for Leaders, a podcast that teaches CEOs, entrepreneurs and sales leaders how to deal with the unique challenges of balancing a high-stress career, family, AND their own health. Here’s your host, Certified Executive Wellness Coach, Diana Murphy.
I am sitting here gazing at the Spanx sign on the building across the street. I’m at a sweet Italian café, sipping on coffee, and trying to take in the beauty of what I’ve experienced yesterday. I won’t go into all the details, but let me tell you this; I was up at 4:30am and didn’t put my head down on that pillow until 12:45am the next morning.
I had served in some of my most favorite roles; keynote speaker, a good friend, a coach, workshop leader, hostess to my many neighbors, and then the ultimate fan, and, of course, the Falcons broke my heart again. I loved every moment of that day.
And what I’m realizing this morning, as I write this podcast, is why. I created that amazing day, every minute of it, by saying yes, by stepping into my yes by fully showing up all the way through. But it hasn’t always been that way, and I’ve been noticing something in the past few weeks. Or maybe I’ve just finally figured out what might be a sneaky default pattern in my life.
And the reason I’m bringing this to you is because perhaps it’s happening for you. Have you been bravely hiding? You heard me correctly. I can be so brave. Oh, I’m so insanely proud of that. But sometimes, in the follow through, I’m hiding. Think of a golf swing. Okay, I’m not a golfer, but this illustration makes total sense to me, so forgive me if it’s not accurate.
You’re a pro, you’re a professional golfer, you’re one of the best and it’s the last hole of the tournament. You’ve gotten this far. You’re playing for the championship. But oh my god, you just feel awful. You back up from the hole, you start nervously discussing your approach with your caddy. You have a pit in your stomach. You actually feel a little queasy.
You decide to give it a try. It’s about time you step back up. You get back to the ball, but you aren’t certain anymore. You’re letting the fear tell you, “You’re not good enough, you’re going to mess up. You can’t do this. you’ve never played at this level.” And you shrink back.
And, of course, you don’t hit that shot the way you normally do. You actually just don’t follow through that well at all. When you’re a leader, when you’re creating a new business or experiencing a growth spurt, or a challenge in your established business, or you’re a top sales leader in your company and you have new goals this year, or you’re currently negotiating the biggest deal you have ever worked on, or you’re just leading your own amazing life, whatever it might be, you might not realize that there are moments, when although you were really, really brave to create where you are right now and what you’re currently working on, that there is at some point a place where you’re shrinking back and hiding.
What on earth is going on? Why do we do this? What’s going on for you and me in these moments? Fear. It’s a dream-sucker, people. And as I gaze back on that Spanx sign, I know I’m looking at what presents a story of a woman, Sarah Blakely, who never gave up, who knew she had exactly what women needed as she cut off the feet of her own stockings and created the first Spanx; a product that, at that point, wasn’t really serving women fully.
And obviously, this stretchy material had a lot more potential. She certainly has shown us that with this company. And no matter what the obstacles were, the successes and failures, she stepped through that fear and created the company that we see now; the company of her dreams.
And even beyond that, she’s serving and loving on women in a really cool way with all the things that she offers in her clothing line. And, in fact, I think she’s serving men now. And how this company shows up in the world – I’ve met a few of her employees and it is a really cool company. She was so brave and she followed through, and I bet she does that over and over and over.
So perhaps, like you, I’m pretty good at jumping through that first ring of fire of fear and saying yes, making the first call, starting something new. But then I’m noticing, I sit back a bit because it’s uncomfortable to ride out that wave of fear and I don’t fully step in and always follow through.
And that, my friends, is the biggest sign of understanding if that’s going on for you as you’re feeling a little stuck and you’re not creating the results that you want in your life. I know that that has been going on for me. So what does this look like in your real life? What do I mean?
Have you signed up for a beautiful gym membership, you carefully picked it out, loved what you saw there? You attended a few classes, but you felt so awkward that you just can’t get yourself to go back, even though you knew you loved it, you actually do love the place, and that your body is actually aching for you to stay with it and be moving.
Or you joined a nutrition class to learn more about foods and the way that they work in your body, to learn how your metabolism works, and yet, you’re spending every hour in that class resisting the information and what the instructor is sharing with you?
Or, for you, is it in your business? You’ve signed a new deal or contract with someone but you haven’t asked for them to pay the invoice because you’re afraid it will fall through. Or you spoke at a recent event, and although you know you have so much to offer your audience, you step back and don’t invite them to engage with you further?
That’s what’s been happening for me. How on earth do we follow through and stop hiding? This just might be the key to us reaching our goals and living the life of our dreams. To create the results we intend, we need to be brave, obviously, to start things. We need that full step. But what do we do when we feel that nauseous feeling, that fear that just won’t go away?
There are three steps that will help you, and these are things that I know I’m doing now and are really changing the momentum of my work, and I’m kind of just getting over those fear places and understanding what’s going on. So what I want to do is help you to not only get brave, but to stay brave and to follow through on the things that you most want for your life; growth in your businesses, better relationships, losing weight for good, getting in great physical shape for once just are some examples.
There are three steps. Understand that fear is just part of it. Number two, stay focused during the process and remind yourself of your why. And number three, get support. Let me unpack these for you.
Yes, understand that the fear is a good thing. It’s a sign that you’re actually going in the right direction. I know, I was surprised too. I never knew this before. I really thought something was wrong. I really actually thought that when I hit fear that I was doing it wrong. I know better now. It actually means that you’re growing and you’re in the right direction.
If we believe that something’s going wrong, we step back, right? If we think that we can’t handle the fear, a little lie that our brain tells us, we might actually begin sabotaging our results. And if we don’t realize what’s going on, we, as humans that yearn for and seek comfort all the time, it’s natural, will always pullback so we can feel better.
So understanding that nothing has gone wrong but that everything is right for you, yup, that’s the truth. It will help you to be aware and embrace that barfy feeling we get and you can stay brave.
Number two – stay focused and remind yourself why you’re here in the first place, even in the middle of that fear wave. Remember why you truly said yes in the first place. Honor it. Write it down. Recently, this happened to me. I was asked to speak in front of a group of CEOs, and I knew that’s exactly where I wanted to be.
And 24 hours beforehand, I freaked out. I had everything in place, I loved my outline, I loved what I was doing, and every fear that I could think of, that my brain could think of, brought it to me. I felt horrible and I really had to stop and realize it’s just normal, and stay focused. And what I did in that moment was remembering why I said yes to this in the first place, actually created a sponsorship and an opportunity to teach the women in that room.
And I remembered my why. I have what they need and I know there’s someone in that room that needed to hear what I offered them that day. Honor that. Write it down. Whether it’s a new job, a big speech, a new client, a new relationship in your life, a coaching program that you just started, a mastermind that you’re in, a journey to lose 30 pounds, remember why. “I did this because I…” What is your why there?
Here’s some ways to turn around my earlier examples and how you can create your own why statements. I joined that gym because I’m all in on my health and I know this is for me. I’m going anyway. I know it will get better.
Another, I know I need to reframe my relationship with food and I’m going to take everything I can from this nutrition class and apply what’s helpful to me in my life. I’ll know what I need to do.
In your business, you’re going to ask your clients to pay on time because you know you have something really valuable to offer and you’re going to set some boundaries on how you bill and collect money going forward. And when you’re asked about your business, you’re going to share that with others, of how you can help them, serve them, the value that you have to offer.
Number three – and this is the most important; get support. Hire a coach. Ask your spouse for some feedback. Call your best friend when it sucks. You know, I have a mastermind right now, you’ve been hearing about it, and there’s a reason. It’s shifting everything for me to have a coach in my life and a group of women that have my back.
I got support in that 24 hours and you should see what they wrote back to me. It was life-giving. Create this for yourself. Go to those that care for you, that have your back. Get support. We were not meant to do this alone. I don’t know if this has happened to you, but I totally embraced and now have rejected, by the way, the term solo-preneur when it came to my business.
Another business coach just kind of asked me, what do you call yourself? Are you a business owner, are you a solo-preneur? And I know now why I reject that term, because there is some sneaky fearful thought that I’m supposed to just do this all by myself.
My friends, we were never meant to do our great work alone, whether it’s losing weight, achieving a goal, making big life changes in our life. We are not meant to do it by ourselves. When we believe that lie, it ties into the fear and further shuts us down.
And if it doesn’t fully shut you down, which I did not let it the day before my big talk, it slowed me down that day and I felt a little off-center. I bet it’s a little shorter the next time. Or if it isn’t, I’m just going to walk through that fire and stay with myself in it.
What I want you to remember here is you are so brave. You are going to achieve your dreams. Now you know how to stop slowing down and we can dishonor the fear, stay in the game, and see the results, not that you’re hoping for, but those that you’ve planned on. Remember, fear is part of the process. Remember your why, why you stepped into this space in the first place. Whatever you’re growing with, and get support.
And I wasn’t kidding, hire a coach. If you’ve loved this podcast, this is what I teach week by week to the clients I’m working with. And what’s so fabulous about one on one work is that I can tailor every conversation to exactly what you need. And I’ve got a special one, a complimentary one designed for you.
It’s on the Let’s Chat section on my website, and certainly, the link will be in the show notes. In these sessions, I help you. You come with that one thing that is bothering you, one thing that’s disrupting your wellness, slowing you down in your business and I teach you one tool and coach you on that to support you. That’s my gift to you.
You will walk away with clarity and just an ability to see where you’re getting in your own way. And that’s my gift to you. I have had a blast bringing you this episode. There are some amazing things going on in my business and watch for – I am still on target for that special training and I will be sharing that with you in the next podcast episode.
Have a great day and I’ll talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Empowered Wellness for Leaders! If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, download our Free Video Series: Empowered Wellness Now. Visit dianamurphycoaching.com to sign up today!