Ep #36: 4 Easy Steps to Create Lasting Change

Welcome to Empowered Wellness for Leaders, a podcast that teaches CEOs, entrepreneurs and sales leaders how to deal with the unique challenges of balancing a high-stress career, family, AND their own health. Here’s your host, Certified Executive Wellness Coach, Diana Murphy.

Good morning. I hope you?re learning that I drop these new episodes every Monday morning. If you need a reminder, get them in your calendar. It?s a great way to invest in your life and your wellness, by doing something like this every single week. Do subscribe. And when you leave comments or reviews, it helps me know exactly what you need and it will help me create the next best episode.

Alright, well as I concluded last week?s episode, I realized that there?s a little bit more to my story and to this journey of making lasting change, especially in a new area in your life. If you haven?t listened to last week?s podcast yet, no worries, this is still a standalone episode. But what I covered in episode 35 was how our thoughts create our results.

I explained a lot about how that works. But today, I?m going to go a little deeper and talk about how believing can create permanent change or new results in your life. I shared my story last week of how I created the result of permanent and lasting weight loss by thinking an entirely new thought.

That thought was, ?I am going to learn how to lose weight and keep it off.? That thought created a great feeling of calm and curiosity and when I felt those emotions, especially around losing weight, I took more steps. I did more. I shopped more. I stayed curious when it wasn?t working. Those emotions really worked for me by thinking that thought over and over.

And by creating a different feeling state, I got on the road to weight loss. However, the true transformation, as I realize it now, happened after I lost the weight, and it?s all because of belief, not my thoughts, just my thoughts. let me explain; basically, as I look back, I spent four months losing the weight from that first thought, ?I?m going to learn how to lose weight and keep it off.?

But, I invested the next 12 months learning to truly believe that thought, that I could keep it off. In my past history, I had no evidence of the ability to lose weight for good. And, my friends, this was years, decades, and it freaked me out. How did I know that I didn?t believe I could keep the weight off?

And this might help you notice what you?re not believing in your life when you?re not really believing in a new goal or something new for you, and it?s really just good information. The reason I knew I didn?t believe I could keep it off is I was anxious. The issue of what to do was always on my mind and I knew I was still afraid it was all a dream and the weight was going to come back with a vengeance, like it had so many times before.

And remember, it is pretty simple to change our mind and do something again that we have done before. Reminder, we can do something that we?ve done before. Doing something again is pretty easy. Our brain has evidence and it?s simply easier to believe, especially as we get going and we get motivated.

But there is always a first time for everything, and for me, keeping my weight off with confidence and not so much drama was a very new thing ? and, if you knew me, a very important thing at that time. How do you believe something you?ve never believed about yourself before, or actually have done before? Practice.

And I want to say here, practice, like the yogis talk about practice. Keep getting on your mat, notice how you?re feeling, and you do as much as you can each day. Take each day as it comes. Stay in the present. Practice being the person that believes you can do it.

This is around any important thing in your life. If you?re not on the journey to weight loss but on the journey to stress loss, on the journey to a new goal, all of what I?m sharing with you today is all about creating lasting and confident change, which is my favorite.

In this work, everything that I?m sharing with you about believing something new in your life is about anything that?s important to you, any goal, but it definitely is today, in this episode, about creating a lasting confident change around your health, and it?s my favorite subject.

How do you believe in something you?ve never seen happen before in your life? You know, we do it all the time, just maybe in a smaller fashion. I have some very simple steps that are powerful, but can help you clear the path to your lasting result.

Step one is set that goal, be specific and brave. Choose something that is really important to you that is on your mind that you really want to do. It can truly be anything here. Most of us avoid setting goals. Do you know why? We don?t set goals, or we set really easy ones, because we?re so afraid of being disappointed of not getting to that goal.

But do you know that in the end, the worst-case scenario is that all you?ll feel is disappointment. You can handle disappointment, right? Most of us have handled plenty of it, and we survived. And that is the only worst thing that can happen because when you set out to achieve a brave new big goal, you?ll always create more results than you would have if you had not set a goal in the first place. So set a goal and write it down. Put it where you can see it. Remind yourself.

Now, step two is where the real work is. This will be a little bit of self-coaching. This is what I even resist day to day. You know, I have my own coach to keep reminding me. We all need support around this, but I want you to stop right here and write down, after you?ve written down that goal, how do you feel about this goal?

Write down every thought you have. Process what thoughts your brain is offering, and even some of the emotions you feel around it, and you will understand why this process is so uncomfortable. You might even understand why you haven?t pushed towards this goal.

Now remember, which I?ve been teaching you over and over in this podcast, these are just thoughts. And when we take time to process them and just look at them, they lose their steam. They lose their energy because we?re not thinking them anymore. We?re looking at them. Isn?t that fabulous?

Thoughts do create an emotional charge. It can be positive, negative, sometimes even neutral; simply a vibration in your body. Start thinking about emotions that way. This is just information and feedback. And if we stay in those thoughts instead of observing them ? like stay in the fear, I?ll never make this, or this is hard, any of those thoughts.

If we stay in them, it will slow us down. But if we recognize them, as we?re doing here, as I?m really encouraging you to do, what do you think about your goal? Now, step back from everything you wrote down ? and although some of these thoughts might seem really true, remember, they?re just thoughts. Some of them might make you laugh.

If you look at them, you?ll see why you?re so uncomfortable though. I ask this often when I?m coaching someone, ?Do you really understand why you?ve wanted wine at night?? And they?ll go, ?No, why?? And I?ll be like, ?You just shared with we how stressed you are at the end of the day that you?re so worried you?re not going to get anything done.?

And it?s just our brain offering these rampant thoughts. We get to decide if we?re going to attach to them and continually think them, or be really aware of them and discard the ones that don?t work. I know no other way to show you what I mean here but by getting back to what I and my clients experience all the time.

I know, for me, when I set a new goal, especially in my business or I?m doing something new in my coaching practice, like a new program or something or putting together a new mastermind, it creates so many thoughts for me. I feel imposter syndrome, ?Who are you to believe you can grow that fast? Who are you to think you can do this? You?re going to mess up. You?re going to be so busy. You?re not going to be able to handle it.?

And for my clients and even in my previous life, as I?ve shared with you, ?Oh, you?ll never do it. You always gain the weight back. It?s just not possible for you. You always do something wrong. You love food too much.? I mean, just think of the way our brain offers these really awful thoughts.

As I started working with more executives and some very successful people, I could see that even they, people I thought were successful in everything, but even they were thinking these doubting scarcity type thoughts. We are all human, and even when the evidence is to the contrary, our brain defaults to the negative into that scarcity type thinking.

They are just thoughts and you have an opportunity to discard them and manage them to achieve your best result. That?s what I always want to help you to do. And this is the conundrum of growing. When we step into a brave space, set our sights high, our brain just does not know what to do with us. It wants and craves familiar, and yet we, as humans, love growing and are also craving new.

Okay, I hate the discomfort that comes from thinking in this way too, but when I notice it in my body, I recognize what is going on and I keep moving forward, even though the feelings in the moment really stink. I remind myself that my brain is trying to stay in the familiar and I move it toward that unfamiliar but beautiful and powerful new thinking. And that, my friends, is the next step.

There is a way to get out of this and it?s by putting your brain to work in a much more positive way, and this part is so much fun. Alright, step three in this process, we?ve set a goal, now we?ve been honest about what thoughts are coming up about the goal, now create how it feels and every thought that comes up, every emotion. How would you behave if you already were done, if you already had attained your goal?

Write down very specifically how you would feel if you hit this goal. How would you feel in your body once you achieved it? Describe how you would carry yourself. I know I find myself lifting my head up. I?m insanely proud. I?m thinking of myself on the other side of what I want to do in my business in this next year and it feels like this soft buzzing in my gut, like I?m on stage getting an award, not freaking out because I?m about to speak.

It?s the other side. How is it for you? Picture yourself after working really hard to lose that 30 pounds, to get the new job, to achieve a new level in your business. How does it feel to be on the other side? Write down every emotion and get in your body, just like the yogi ? even if you don?t practice yoga, just practice being just present with this and note every detail of how it feels in your body.

This feeling state, this way of believing what it feels like to have already achieved it, is a mindset you can choose anytime you need it. I am doing this now. When I feel off-kilter and confused and nervous about my new goals, I choose calm, confident, head up, that proud space where I know what to do next, and describe that for you.

I described mine. We?re all wired so differently in how it feels. Now, we?re ready to take action, and that leads to the next step because we don?t achieve anything without taking some beautiful and consistent action.

So create a feeling state that really works for you by really feeling like it?s already accomplished. And now write, or think of, how does a person behave who has already done this? How does that person that got the new job, how does feeling like you lost 30 pounds, any of those, put yourself in that space and how do they live? What is their lifestyle?

Somebody that ? like if you want to make more money in your business but not be working so much, picture what that feels like. Then, what does a person that works smarter and is earning thousands and thousands of dollars, how do they live? What is their lifestyle? Do they work out? What kind of restaurants do they eat in? How do they dress?

If you?re losing weight, do you feel good in your body? How do they set up their kitchen, their pantry? Do they spend time cooking? Do they figure out creative alternatives? What is their routine? Be as specific as you can.

I seriously recommend this part of the exercise the most. It gives us so many intuitive action steps. It is your wisdom. It is really looking forward into our future and asking your future self how to do it. And your brain loves this work. It is so much more fun than the fear, right?

Remember, our brain is a little freaked out that we?re doing something new, so it gets confused. By asking these questions and focusing on the other side of this goal, we calm the brain down and tap into that intuition, the knowing, in terms of hitting this goal.

Now, this is the fun part; live that way. I?m serious. Live every day like the person that has already achieved the 30-pound weight loss, the six-figure mark, or the seven-figure mark in their business, or the triple seven figure mark, or received that dream job or just ran their first marathon. How does that person behave? What does he or she do in their daily lives?

What habits or commitments do they make? How do they spend their time? And you can do this even when you haven?t lost a pound of weight, you?ve been struggling, you have zero dollars, you have debt in your business, or if it?s a marathon, you haven?t even started running yet. Don?t be afraid to set brave goals, because when you do this work of believing it ahead of time, you will get there faster than you ever could imagine.

In fact, this work is absolutely key when you don?t have any evidence that what you?re going for is possible. It?s so important because otherwise, we are always stuck in inaction and confusion. If you?re always nervous ? I?m raising my hand here ? if you?re always nervous on Monday mornings about how the work week?s going to go, you?re always nervous about weighing in, if you weigh in every Tuesday and you?re working hard to lose weight and it?s just not happening yet, you?ve got to be in a space of believing to be taking free and confident flowing steps towards that goal.

It has to come from a place that you intuitively know what to do next, where you?re confident, where you come up with the most brilliant and creative ideas. That, my friends, creates the results of hitting new goals. And I?m going to give you some real detail here; this is how you create your to-do list.

Create a list from every answer from your future self, from that self that believed. To illustrate, let?s go back really quickly to my story for some frame of reference. After I lost the weight and I was in unknown territory ? I?d never kept it off more than maybe six months ? I did continue to stay curious and proud of the weight I lost and created a bounty of new ways of doing life. I really was asking and practicing and trying from this question; what would a person do that maintained their weight? How would she behave?

So this is what happened; I started enjoying hiking and being active on weekends instead of my couch-potato life. I started to treat every day the same as it related to food, which literally stopped my weekend overeating. And then, I learned to not restrict myself, but plan some amazing joy eating, and I never felt deprived again.

I discovered what foods really worked for me and I created shopping and go-to lists that really worked for me and it?s now just so a part of me, I don?t think about it very often. And I?d honor my appetite ? and this took a little bit of courage ? when it was awkward. Everybody sat down to dinner and I was not hungry and I would not eat, or at least I?d nibble a salad while they ate.

I knew it felt so much better to honor my own appetite. I kept experimenting with different foods and workouts. I kept it fun. And to this day, I make sure I?m not bored around it. So I revisit different ways of eating and try different workouts. I need my brain to be in it, right? And that helps me.

That brought me to a confident and peaceful place, but there were lots of opportunities during that maintenance year for me, and it was a year, to believe that it wasn?t going to work. I really had to keep with some of the weeks that were really hard or where I gained weight or when I went on my first cruise. But I began to create more and more evidence, and mow I?m totally healed of that negative thought that I?d never keep my weight off.

Are you curious? Is this something you want? This is certainly something I do in my practice. So the steps again are, set a goal, and make it a brave one, one you really want. Be honest about what you believe about the goal. Get those thoughts out of the way or get them to the surface. And then start, what does it feel like and look like to already be there, and create a to-do list from that. And last, but not least, remind yourself every day how important this goal is. There?s not a race towards it.

Every step and doing this work of feeling that you?ve already attained it will bring you to it quicker than you could ever imagine. This is work, my friends, but it isn?t hard. It?s life giving, and it?s just simply being onto your emotions and understanding what great thoughts and feelings propel you to a new result instead of those that stop you. You can choose wisely every single time if you?re onto it with this simple awareness.

I did not do this journey alone and I don?t recommend it. Would you like a little guidance? Would you like to join a short-term training I?m offering? It?s just two weeks. It starts October 8^th. Sign up by October 7^th, and it is my show notes, dianamurphycoaching.com/36 ? if you go in those show notes, you can sign up for this training.

You can opt-out anytime if this isn?t for you, but if you sign up, you?ll get more of the details and you can figure out if this training really fits you. The class will be for two weeks with support from me and accompanying materials and six 30 minute trainings.

So of course, I have the training, but maybe you?d love just to get a few questions answered. If something came up during any of the episodes, I am offering quick Q&A calls. These are not consults. If you?d like a consult with me, that is always available. That link is on my website. But what I?m talking about here is really something comes up in the podcast and you really have a question.

This process of answering your questions helps me because then I?ll know how to serve listeners in the future. And sometimes, that Q&A for you, that 15 minutes with a coach, might be all you need to get moving forward, and that?s my goal.

Remember, every Monday. Subscribe to Empowered Wellness for Leaders so that you don?t miss an episode and can begin your week in a way that really moves you towards your results.

Thanks so much for listening today. I look forward to answering any of your questions and serving you again next week.

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